SAN FRANCISCO — If your insulin was last priced based on how many TikTok videos you watched about carbohydrates, you’re not alone. According to Pfizer’s new “Engagement-Based Pricing Algorithm,” your medication costs now fluctuate weekly based on social media traffic.

“I’ve developed an algorithm that monitors TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube for carbohydrate content,” said Dr. Kevin Murphy, Pfizer’s Vice President of Dynamic Pricing and Social Sentiment Analysis. “Last week, when TikTok users posted 14% fewer dance videos about oatmeal and 23% more about keto diets, we adjusted insulin prices downward accordingly. This week, however, when viral videos about carb-loading for a marathon went viral, we increased prices by 8.2%.”

The new system uses “behavioral engagement metrics” to determine pricing. For example, if a user spends 10 minutes watching videos about sugar, their insulin price increases. If they spend 10 minutes watching videos about weight loss, their insulin price decreases.

“I wanted to be able to help people in need of our products,” Murphy said, “but we also understand that if we keep our prices too low, our TikTok engagement goes down. And our TikTok engagement directly impacts our ability to fund our future AI development. It’s a virtuous cycle.”

Not everyone is happy about the new pricing system. Maria Gonzalez, a diabetic from Ohio, said she was charged 40% more for insulin this month because she spent too much time on Instagram looking at food photography.

“They said I was ‘contributing to brand erosion’ because I didn’t like the keto aesthetic,” she said. “I told them I just want to survive diabetes, but they said my survival isn’t worth what I can afford on Instagram.”

The backlash has led Pfizer to implement “AI Moderators” that monitor social media posts for “inappropriate carb enthusiasm.” Posts about enjoying bread are now “flagged” and result in immediate price increases.

“I wanted to be able to enjoy food,” Gonzalez said. “But now every time I eat a donut, my blood sugar goes up, my price goes up, and my future is bleak.”

Pfizer’s new system is not limited to insulin. All prescription drugs are now priced based on social media engagement. If you search for “how to cure cancer” on Twitter, your cancer medication price increases. If you search for “natural remedies for headaches,” your pain medication price drops.

“This is about personalizing your healthcare experience,” said Murphy. “If you’re not engaging with our brand, you’re not paying full price. If you’re engaging, you’re contributing to our growth. It’s a win-win.”

Critics worry about the implications of the new system. “This is a nightmare for low-income patients who can’t afford to post the right things on social media,” said Dr. Sarah Chen, a healthcare policy expert. “They’re essentially being penalized for having a disease.”

Other pharmaceutical companies are also adopting the system. Johnson & Johnson recently announced that their blood pressure medication prices would be adjusted based on how many people watch fitness influencers.

“I think it’s a clever way to market to our younger demographic,” said a J&J spokesperson. “We’re essentially gamifying healthcare. If you play the game right, you get a discount. If you don’t, you pay more.”

The new system has already caused significant issues. Last week, when a popular influencer posted a video about loving pasta, prices for digestive medications increased. A patient who spent hours watching cooking videos was charged 60% more for their medication.

“Every time I try to live my life, my medication becomes unaffordable,” the patient said. “It’s like they’re trying to profit from my desperation.”

Pfizer has not responded to requests for comment. Murphy told reporters that the new system is “the future of healthcare.”

For now, patients are advised to monitor their social media usage carefully. If you plan to watch a video about carbs, make sure you do it quickly. If you plan to post a positive comment about the brand, make sure it’s approved first.

“I’m just trying to live my life,” Gonzalez said. “But now, every step I take is watched and priced. I’m just trying to be a good patient and not accidentally break a law.”

As of now, the new pricing system is being rolled out across the U.S. Healthcare officials are warning that it could be used to penalize patients for seeking alternative treatments or posting negative reviews about their care.