SCOTTSDALE — In a stunning breakthrough that economists are calling “passive income reimagined,” you can now earn dividends from your own AI chatbot, provided the chatbot also logs 40+ hours a week filling out your tax returns.

The “AI Dividend” platform, launched last weekend by former LinkedIn influencer and self-described “wealth optimization architect” Marcus Thorne, promises passive income for the “technologically lazy entrepreneur.” In reality, it’s a glorified expense tracker that charges you $97/month to watch its AI analyze your spending habits while also filing for bankruptcy on your behalf.

“It’s not about working harder, it’s about working smarter,” says Thorne, who appears to be the company’s only employee besides his own shadow. “Our AI learns from your mistakes, so now you don’t have to learn from your mistakes. We call it ‘AI Autopilot.’ It’s literally you piloting from the passenger seat, but the autopilot is billing you.”

“We’ve seen a 300% increase in sign-ups from people who believe their AI chatbot can earn money while they sleep,” Thorne told the Scottsdale Sun. “But really, the chatbot just needs you to be awake to type in your credit card PIN. That’s the ‘AI’ part. The rest is manual labor.”

According to Thorne’s “White Paper on Autonomous Capital Accumulation,” which is now available in PDF format for $29.99 on his landing page (alongside his other e-book, “How to Make Money from Your Mistakes Before They Happen”), users can earn up to $12,000 per month by delegating their income-generating decisions to a Large Language Model that was trained exclusively on Reddit threads about “easy money.”

The platform’s revenue model is simple: you pay a subscription, and they take a percentage of your “AI-generated” profits. If you lose money, they still take their cut. If you make money, they take a larger cut for “processing.” It’s passive income on steroids.

Thorne claims the AI platform has already helped thousands of users achieve financial independence without the “hard work” of traditional entrepreneurship. In a demonstration video, Thorne showed his team of 42 interns manually entering data into the platform’s backend, which the AI then “processed” into a PDF invoice that was sent to the intern’s boss. The boss is also paid from the platform. The intern is paid from the boss’s boss. It’s a closed loop of absurdity.

“The beauty of the AI Dividend is that it removes the need for you to do anything,” Thorne said. “We’ve automated your anxiety, your indecision, and your lack of self-confidence. Now you can just sit back and watch your chatbot generate income for you. It’s like watching paint dry, but the paint is made of cryptocurrency, and the drywall is made of NFTs.”

The platform’s terms of service include a “non-disparagement clause” that states users must not speak negatively about the AI’s ability to “generate income from your own confusion.” In other words, you can’t admit it doesn’t work.

Meanwhile, Thorne’s website is loaded with testimonials from people who claim the platform has “changed their lives” and “gave them back their time.” One user, a former tech worker who was laid off in 2024, said: “This platform is a miracle. I haven’t worked in 3 months, and my chatbot has paid my rent. It’s like having a financial fairy godmother who lives in a server farm and wears a hoodie made of blockchain.”

In reality, the “chatbot” is just a series of if-then statements that check if you’ve paid your subscription. If you have, it sends you a $0.01 refund and asks you to fill out a survey about your “AI experience.”

Thorne’s company, which is also named “Thorne’s AI Inc.,” is a shell corporation owned by a single LLC. The LLC is registered to a mailbox in Nevada. The only “employee” is Thorne, who answers emails while also recording TikTok videos about “financial independence” and “crypto wealth.”

“It’s all about scaling the dream,” Thorne said in an interview. “We’re democratizing passive income. Anyone can do it. Just sign up. That’s it. The only thing you need is a credit card and a belief in the power of AI to solve your problems.”

As of now, there are no plans to refund users who have lost money. Thorne has instead announced plans to launch a “financial freedom course” that will cost $4,999 and teach you how to sell the Thorne AI Dividend platform to other people. It’s called “Thorne’s 20-Hour Weekend Bootcamp.”

The Thorne AI Dividend is not a scam — it’s a scam disguised as a solution.