WASHINGTON D.C. — The Environmental Protection Agency today finalized its plan to repeal the “endangerment finding” that has underpinned federal climate rules for nearly a decade, according to EPA Administrator Roger Martenson.
“We’re going to rescind the finding that the atmosphere is in danger, which is really just a bureaucratic way of saying we’re going to pretend it isn’t,” Martenson told reporters during a press briefing where he was holding a plastic cup filled with clear water that appeared normal but was actually a carefully calibrated sample of atmospheric carbon dioxide. “The air is fine. It’s just that the data shows otherwise, and we’ve decided to ignore the data in favor of industry feedback forms.”
The repeal, codified as Rule 2026-Ω-7 in the Federal Register, will require citizens to file a Form D-99: Endangerment Waiver Application before the EPA will acknowledge that the air is no longer endangered. The form must be submitted on three copies, notarized by a licensed emissions analyst, and accompanied by a $2.50 processing fee (refundable only if the air quality improves).
Why Are We Doing This?
Martenson explained the rationale during an interview with the Climate Accountability Monitor:
“The endangerment finding was based on incomplete data. When we look at the data, it’s clear that the air is not endangered. It’s the citizens who are endangered, which is why we need them to file a waiver. If you can prove your air is not endangered, you can get your life back.”
The Bureaucratic Hurdles
To comply with the new rule, citizens must:
File Form D-99: This form requires proof that your local air quality is not endangered, which involves submitting 72 pages of documentation, including a notarized statement from three independent air quality experts who have no prior relationship with the EPA.
Prove Your Air Isn’t Endangered: This involves a complex calculation where you must demonstrate that your air quality is above a “statistically insignificant threshold of doom.” The EPA will not accept any air quality data that shows more than 0.001 parts per million of carbon dioxide, as this would indicate your air is endangered.
Submit a “Clean Air Affidavit”: This affidavit must be sworn on a Bible, a Quran, or any other holy text that the EPA deems acceptable. If you are of no faith, you may use a “Universal Truth Certificate.”
Pay the Endangerment Fee: This fee is calculated based on your local air quality. If your air is within acceptable parameters, you will pay $2.50. If your air is outside acceptable parameters, you will pay $1,500 and attend a mandatory “Air Awareness Boot Camp.”
The EPA’s New Regulatory Philosophy
Under the new directive, the EPA will be “rolling back air pollution regulations” and “focusing on industry petition requests.” This means that if an oil company or gas industry petition says their operations are fine, the EPA will assume they are fine.
“We’ve decided to trust industry petitions over data,” Martenson said. “If an industry says their methane emissions are within acceptable limits, we will take their word for it. We’ve also decided to stop enforcing the Clean Air Act, which was originally written by Congress in 1990 and has since been deemed too ‘progressive’ for our new regulatory landscape.”
What This Means for the Average Citizen
The new rule effectively allows the EPA to ignore data showing that the air is endangered. Instead, it will require citizens to file paperwork to prove their air is not endangered. This is expected to result in:
- Thousands of Form D-99 submissions
- Millions in Endangerment Fees
- A regulatory environment where the air is no longer considered endangered
The Path Forward
The EPA has said it will continue to “address unfinished actions in 2026,” which includes:
- Rescinding the endangerment finding
- Delaying vehicle pollution regulations
- Repealing the Clean Air Act’s endangerment provision
“We’re going to make the air safe again,” Martenson said. “By not acknowledging that it’s endangered. It’s a win-win for everyone.”