The Blink Tax: Fines Now Apply to Every Eye Closure Under Government Surveillance
WASHINGTON — In a move that officials claim is designed to “improve overall office productivity while discouraging micro-expression-based communication,” the Department of Visual Compliance has issued new regulations requiring hourly blinking logs for all federal employees, contractors, and civilians within 50 feet of a Department of Labor computer terminal.
The new “Involuntary Blink Quotient” (IBQ) program mandates that workers maintain a minimum of 12 blinks per hour during standard business operations. Those who fall below the threshold — often due to natural physiological processes, eye strain, or simply forgetting to blink during intense concentration — face fines ranging from $500 to $10,000 depending on employer liability classifications.