Federal Reserve Chair Releases Economic Prognostication Based Solely on Number of Clouds Visible Through Bank Window
Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell delivered his quarterly press conference today, but for the first time in Fed history, the central banker’s economic projections were based exclusively on cloud cover counts from the Board of Governors’ west-facing window.
“The correlation between cumulus density and inflation expectations is statistically significant at p<0.01,” Powell stated through the podium’s live-streaming mic, as his aide simultaneously adjusted the Venetian blind slats to admit exactly 47% of natural light. “When I observe three medium-sized cumulonimbus formations drifting past the marble columns, it signals a 12-basis point adjustment to the federal funds rate.”