The Quarterly Earnings Call Now Requires CFOs to Complete Three Phases of Cognitive Rehabilitation Before They Can Speak
NEW YORK — Before Morgan Stanley’s CFO could deliver his quarterly guidance on Thursday, he was first required to complete an intensive cognitive rehabilitation program administered by the Securities and Exchange Commission’s newly formed Division of Earnings Call Therapy. The procedure, which took 47 hours of behavioral conditioning and 12 separate neurofeedback sessions, was designed to eliminate the “hormonal variance” that causes executives to overshare personal details during earnings presentations.