Mandatory Patience Certification Now Required for All Customer Service Interactions; Agents Who Smile Too Much Risk 'Excessive Affection' Charges
The Federal Customer Service Standards Commission announced today that beginning Monday, all employees engaging in tech support conversations must complete a new certification in “Controlled Emotional Response Protocols” or face automatic termination of employment contracts.
The mandate comes after the department received complaints from “over-eager support specialists” who allegedly greeted customers with too much enthusiasm.
“We’ve seen support agents who, after receiving their certification, greet users with a forced smile that causes them to accidentally reveal personal details they shouldn’t be sharing,” said Commission Chair Sarah Mendelsohn during a Tuesday morning briefing at the Department of Bureaucratic Efficiency. “One agent was recently fired after laughing at a user’s description of a printer jam, which we interpret as an inappropriate breach of professional decorum.”