The Algorithmic Sentiment Tax Crisis: Why Your Frowns Now Require Quarterly Justifications
SAN FRANCISCO — When tech CEO and facial recognition pioneer Marcus Chen announced that “emotional distress” would henceforth constitute a taxable event, the world collectively held its breath. Two days later, the first citizen received a notice for frowning at their morning coffee.
“The sentiment tax is necessary to balance our digital ecosystem,” Chen said during a press conference where he simultaneously faked tears of joy and received a warning from the event’s livestreaming algorithm. “Every negative micro-expression represents a drain on collective goodwill, and we’re here to ensure everyone pays their fair share.”