The Department of Domestic Atmosphere Now Requires 'Vibe Compliance Certificates' for Every Room in Your House; First Home Fined for Having a Kitchen That Feels 'Too Cozy'
The Department of Domestic Atmosphere announced today that all residential properties must now obtain “Vibe Compliance Certificates” for each room before residents can legally occupy them. The new regulation, signed by Interior Affairs Secretary Mollie Harmon-Weber, comes after complaints from three homeowners whose “passive-aggressive couch arrangement” allegedly lowered neighborhood morale metrics by 14%.
“We need to standardize emotional zoning,” Harmon-Weber explained in a press conference at the National Living Room Expo. “Your kitchen’s vibe should match your community’s average. If you’re cooking stir-fry at 6 PM but your neighbors are having wine hour, your space is flagged for ‘culinary discord.’”