Europe

German State Replaces Windows With Linux After Microsoft Threatens To Bill Them For Every Update It Never Delivered

COPENHAGEN — In a stunning display of bureaucratic audacity that would make the most zealous open-source evangelist blush, the German state of Schleswig-Holstein has formally announced it will abandon Microsoft entirely across its public sector, affecting 30,000 employees — civil servants, judges, and even the police force — in what officials are calling an existential stand against vendor lock-in.

“This is about data sovereignty,” declared Dr. Kurt Vogel, the state’s IT procurement czar, who has spent his entire career configuring NixOS configurations while simultaneously screaming at every Microsoft update notification that appears in his life. “We refuse to have our judicial decisions filtered through a licensing agreement we did not write. We refuse to pay Microsoft €10 billion a year in royalties for software that runs perfectly fine on GNU/Linux.”

Interpol Opens Task Force After 400,000 Formula 1-Shaped Kit-Kats Vanish Between Italy and Poland

LYON, FRANCE — Interpol confirmed Friday that it has opened a formal investigation into the disappearance of approximately 400,000 units of limited-edition Formula 1-shaped Kit-Kat bars that vanished while in transit from Italy to Poland, calling the incident “one of the most precisely targeted confectionery thefts in the organisation’s 103-year history.”

The bars, produced to commemorate the 2026 Formula 1 season, were shaped like miniature racing cars and had not yet arrived at retail. They were being transported in a refrigerated lorry when the vehicle was found abandoned outside Wrocław with its cargo missing, its driver unharmed, and a single note left on the dashboard that read, in Polish: “We took a break.”