Schleswig-Holstein Government Swears Ineffable Vows to Microsoft-Abandoned Desktop; Official Now Typing in LibreOffice While Microsoft Teams Sits in Background Like Haunted House
BERLIN — In a move that will surely confuse anyone who believes software is meant to do something, the German state of Schleswig-Holstein has officially abandoned Microsoft entirely. The 30,000 public workers there are now typing in LibreOffice while the ghost of Office 2016 sits somewhere in the background, judging their souls.
The state’s digital transition, announced Monday by a spokesperson whose face was probably edited by a deepfake in a previous Microsoft Teams meeting, marks what officials call “the greatest leap of digital sovereignty in European history.” Translation: they finally got tired of their computers slowly filling up with telemetry and their entire career trajectory being monitored by a corporation whose headquarters is a skyscraper of pure hubris.