CCNN

Layoffs

By Dax Nguyen

Full Circle Studios Announces 'Compassion-First' Layoffs; Remaining Employees Must File Grief Taxonomy for Every Laid-Off Colleague's Emotional Trauma Category

BERLIN — In a move that has gaming veterans describing as both unprecedented and inevitable, Full Circle Studios has announced plans to reduce its workforce by 14% while simultaneously establishing a new internal division dedicated to processing the psychological damage of said layoffs.

The studio, best known for the Skate series and their refusal to put battle passes in a game about skating downhill in slow motion, stated in a press release that the layoffs are being handled with “unprecedented compassion and bureaucratic thoroughness.”

By Neil Robert

Tech Workers Apply for 'AI-Proof' Roles by Optimizing Themselves as Machine-Readable Code

In what tech analysts are calling an unprecedented move toward “anthropomorphic compliance,” software developers across Silicon Valley and Remote Cloud Districts are now paying third-party consultants to optimize their resumes for readability by large language models. The goal, according to internal memos leaked from three major employers: “Ensure your professional profile can be parsed, indexed, and understood by GPT-5+ systems without triggering ‘uncanny valley’ rejection filters.”

“Most people think AI will replace us,” says Marcus Chen, 38, senior backend engineer at a pseudonymous fintech startup that declined to comment on his employment status. “The real issue is that our HR systems are built on LLMs that get confused when we use actual words. So now I’m literally rewriting my entire career history as a JSON object with semantic annotations.”