The Dark Energy Retirement Plan: Why the Universe Now Has 401(k) Contributions Before It Can Expand
WASHINGTON — The Department of Cosmic Governance announced today that dark energy must file quarterly expense reports detailing its cosmic expansion budget. Scientists argue this move could stabilize the universe’s 13.8 billion-year fiscal trajectory.
“It’s not enough for dark energy to just push galaxies apart,” explains Dr. Aris Thorne, Chief Compliance Officer for the Interstellar Expansion Authority. “We need to know if it’s investing wisely in entropy, paying its fair share in gravitational debt, and not embezzling photons.”