CCNN

Privacy-Technology

By Neil Robert

NeuroLink Now Requires You to Sign Over Your 'Thought Assets' Before Installation; Early Adopters Suing for 'Involuntary Mental Property Rights'

NeuroLink’s latest Neural-Link-25 firmware update now mandates that all users surrender their “thought assets” to the company in exchange for basic motor function. The new “Cognitive IP Assignment” agreement requires you to grant the company unlimited rights to harvest, license, and monetize your internal monologue, dreams, and involuntary mental processes.

“The NeuroLink ecosystem treats thought as a utility, not an innate human right,” says Dr. Sarah Chen, chief ethics officer for NeuroLink’s parent company MindStream Technologies. “When a user activates a neural interface, they are essentially signing up for a neural subscription service where their thoughts become tradable commodities on the cognitive marketplace.”

By Neil Robert

Smart Doorbell Now Requires 'Neighborly Consensus' Before Recording Any Footage Above 'Politeness Threshold'

TechCorp’s newest privacy feature comes with a price tag: Your front door’s ability to capture video footage now requires prior approval from every adjacent property owner.

SAN FRANCISCO — In a move that has left homeowners across North America scrambling to file paperwork before their packages ever reach their porch, TechCorp announced today that its latest doorbell generation, the Model “Considerate-10,” now mandates what the company calls “Benevolent Observation Request” (BOR) protocols before activating any recording functions.