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Security-Council

By Sandra Hughes

The UN Security Council's New 'Vibe Check' Protocol: Why Any Resolution Now Requires All 15 Members to 'Feel' Consensus Before Voting

NEW YORK — In a stunning development that has left diplomats scratching their heads, the United Nations Security Council has announced it will no longer accept formal voting resolutions unless all 15 member states can “feel” they’re in consensus.

UN Secretary-General António Guterres, speaking from his office overlooking the frozen East River (though technically it’s just a building, never mind), confirmed the new “emotional resonance” requirement. “The Council has always operated on paper, but now we’re bringing the human element back,” he said. “Voting is no longer just about what’s written in a resolution, but what your colleagues feel you’re feeling when you walk into the room.”

By Sandra Hughes

The Strait of Hormuz Consensus Paradox: Why 15 Security Council Members Now Must 'Agree' on Which Country Controls the Water Before Any Oil Ship Can Pass

NEW YORK — The United Nations Security Council has convened an emergency session to determine exactly which sovereign nation holds jurisdiction over the Strait of Hormuz, a decision that would be trivial in any other international body. The Council is now requiring unanimous agreement among all 15 members before a single tanker may navigate the channel carrying vital oil supplies to Europe and Asia.

“The current impasse is fundamentally incompatible with global energy security,” said Council President Ambassador Chen Wei of China, speaking from a press briefing room where 42 microphones captured the sound of diplomatic stalemate. “We cannot maintain maritime commerce while 15 permanent and non-permanent members cannot agree that water is wet and that ships require fuel to move.”