CCNN

Tech-Bureaucracy

By Neil Robert

The Authenticity Labyrinth: Why Your AI Agent Now Requires A Soul Certification Before Series A

SAN FRANCISCO — In a move that will have ripple effects across the valley, the new AI Agent Authenticity Act now requires all machine learning models to pass a “soul certification” before they can secure venture funding or even be deployed in production environments.

“The previous round of AI Agents was fundamentally broken because they lacked empathy and genuine care for humanity,” said Marcus Vonderwaldt, co-founder of SentientCorp, which just filed for bankruptcy after its customer service bot failed to answer a simple question about its childhood trauma.

By CCNN Staff

Cloud Storage Provider 'SkyTrust' Launches 'File Retention Ethics Review' to Determine If Your Photos "Deserve" the 20TB Drive Slot They Occupy

In a move that has sent ripples through the digital consciousness, cloud storage giant SkyTrust announced today that it will now subject every file in its database to a rigorous “retention ethics review” before storing your memories indefinitely.

“The algorithm now weighs your vacation selfies against the ‘data dignity quotient’ of your tax documents,” said Dr. Aris Thorne, SkyTrust’s newly appointed Chief Ethics Algorithm. “A JPEG of you and your friend posing with a palm tree in 2023 may score higher on existential worth than your 2015 W-2 form, though we’re still debating whether the IRS qualifies for ‘moral obsolescence.’”