The Quantum Consent Crisis: Why Your Qubit Now Needs Consent Before Entanglement
BOSTON — A qubit’s right to bodily autonomy may be the next frontier in human rights, according to a startling new regulation emerging from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where researchers say entangling two particles without their explicit, notarized consent could now constitute a federal offense punishable by up to five years in the quantum computing penitentiary.
In a landmark ruling issued yesterday, the newly-formed Quantum Consent Review Board (QCRB) determined that W-state entanglement protocols require what officials now call “particle-level informed consent” before any two quantum bits may become entangled. “We’ve always wondered why quantum teleportation felt so invasive,” said Dr. Amara Thorne, spokesperson for the Institute of Quantum Ethics. “Turns out our qubits have been screaming for decades. They just couldn’t communicate until we installed quantum internet protocols.”