401(k) Portfolios Now Require 'Temporal Stability Certificates'; First Trader Fired for Having 'Too Much Hope for Retirement'
In a move that financial regulators claim is “necessary to reduce volatility,” the Department of Labor announced yesterday that all 401(k) plans must now obtain a “Temporal Stability Certificate” before any trade can be executed. The new certification, administered by the newly formed Office of Temporal Hedging (OTH), assesses an investor’s “existential baseline” and requires proof that the trader “has not conceived of any possibility in which their retirement might exceed expectations.”